Resolved

So what’s my New Year’s Resolution, you ask? You’re looking at it. Or, rather, you’re looking at one part of it.

My New Year’s Resolution is general, but wide-ranging — I want to move forward with my life. The last several years have been a slog for me — I haven’t really been doing anything, just treading water and hoping things work out in the end. That’s not a winning strategy. I’m not unhappy with my life or anything, but if I’m still here in fifty years (or hell, even in five years), it’s going to be a massive disappointment. When I was younger, I was convinced that all I needed to do was be a good person and be true to my talents and good things would happen, but that’s only half of it. You have to work for it. My plan is to start working for it. I’m sick of running in place.

This blog is going to help, I think. I could feel my writing atrophy because I wasn’t working at it — I was convinced that because I was “a good writer” I would always be so, it would always be there for me to fall back on. But talent (and let’s face it, I’m not a spectacular, once-in-a-lifetime talent anyway) can only take you so far. I’ve got to keep honing my craft.

And to do that, I’m going to try to write a complete novel this year. That’s my endgame, my dream really, but readable novels don’t burst fully-formed on your first try. I can’t allow myself to become discouraged because it’s not working out as perfectly as I’d envisioned, as I have too many times in the past. There’s value in failures too, and if spending a lot of time on something that’s ultimately unpublishable is the price I have to pay in order to eventually create something that is… well, I’m willing to pay that price. God knows I’ve got ideas. I just need to figure out how to shape them into something coherent, with a beginning, middle, and end.

Finally, I need to find a job. I’ve been content to blame my unemployment on the shitty job market, but that’s just an excuse. I don’t want to be a freeloader anymore. I hate it. It might not be my dream job, where I thought I was going to be five years ago… but I need to do something, for my sanity if nothing else.

That’s my theme for 2011: Forward momentum. 2010 sucked for me, and I want to end 2011 in a better place than where I started, with tangible improvement and something to look forward to in 2012 (at least until the Mayans kill us all with their evil doomsday prophecies). Here’s hoping.

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