The Gen V Pokemon Awards Show

So it looks like the English names for all the new Generation V Pokemon have been leaked. It’s not confirmed yet, but the list lines up with new Pokemon being released through official channels and it’s been mysteriously disappearing from various websites, which speaks to its veracity. So that means it’s time to examine how they did!

“Best Pun” Award

Generation V’s a great one for punny names. The Pokemon universe runs out puns, but the Gen V translators have gone above and beyond the call of duty. For a while there I was sure that Krookodile would take it, but then I had the names of the alien Pokemon based off the Area 51 mythology explained to me, so the winners are Elgyem and its evolution Beheeyem.

Don’t get it? The secret is abbreviations! Elgyem –> LGM –> Little Green Men. Beheeyem –> BEM –> Bug-Eyed Monster. Yeah, you can slap your forehead now.

Best Portmaneau

Braviary. It would take a mighty fine name to make me call this hilariously patriotic Pokemon anything other than “Wargle” (its Japanese name), but the translators rose to the challenge.

“I Will Never Call This Pokemon By This Name” Award

Scraggy and its evolution Scrafty. Not because I dislike the names or because I think the Japanese name is better or anything, but because these Pokemon will be forever be known to me as PANTLIZARD.

No, Pantlizard! You'll make the Baby Jesus cry!

Most Likely to Become an Internet Meme

#624… Whenever an internet poster gets in over his head on a message board, he will find himself face to face with this ghostly golem, the assertion that he should read more and post less left hanging in the air unspoken. That person will then curse his luck, knowing that he has been commanded to…

GO LURK

GOLURK.

(As an aside, it amuses the hell out of me that we’ve got something like seven million golem Pokemon at this point, but the Pokemon actually named Golem isn’t one of them. Oh, Gen I.)

Laziest Name

Obviously, all the Pokemon that kept their Japanese names are disqualified for this one. The easy winner here is Litwick.

Yep, he’s a wick all right. And he’s certainly lit. Let’s call him Litwick. That’s enough work for one day; I’m clocking out.

If we’d had this quality of effort in Gen I we’d all be breeding for shiny Lizardwithitsassonfires and Mousethatshitslightnings.

Most Egregious Misspelling

Let’s take a journey back in time, you and I. Specifically, a journey all the way back to the halcyon days of 1998, when the first Generation of Pokemon were receiving their English names. One of those original Pokemon was a mystical bird who lived alone in a frozen island and embodied the power of frost, one of the trio of powerful legendary birds.

As the most famous and iconic Pokemon, Game Freak has in recent years attempted to give legendary Pokemon names that translate between regions with a minimum of fuss, as an attempt to prevent the dilution of the brand… but Generation I predates all that is good and logical, and the three legendary birds were given the Engrishy names of Freezer, Thunder, and Flame instead. Obviously these had to be changed, and the solution the translators settled upon was to combine a word derived from their element with a Spanish number. The glowing phoenix became Moltres. The screeching bird of lightning became Zapdos. And the elegant ice bird became… Articuno.

Now, the thing everyone noticed right off was that “arctic” is spelled with two “c”s. Having letters truncated from your name isn’t common in Poke-dom, but it happens sometimes. (Don’t ask Feraligatr about the process.) But “Articuno” isn’t close to running up against the ten-letter limit, so its missing “c” was an intriguing puzzle. We chalked it up as a mystery and moved on with our lives.

Fast forward thirteen years. The “arctic” naming scheme has lain dormant that whole time, until we come to a hulking polar bear with an ice beard. This is incredibly badass, and deserves an equally badass name. So the translators came up with…

Beartic.

Okay, that name sucks, but that’s not even the point here. They did it again! Thirteen years and five hundred monsters later and they fucking did it again! What does Game Freak have against properly spelling the word “arctic”? Is their spellcheck broken? What, did that first “c” sleep with somebody’s mom or something? It’s okay, Pokemon translators. You can open up to us.

Most Palindromic

Alomomola. Luckily its name is the only palindromic thing about it, so Girafarig’s title as the most palindromic Pokemon of all is still safe.

“Should Have Kept the Japanese Name” Award

Rufflet. Not that it’s a bad name or anything, but the Japanese name is “Washibon”. I can think of no better tribute to our first and arguably greatest president than naming an imaginary baby eagle after him.

“Thank God They Didn’t Keep the Japanese Name” Award

Klink, known in its native country by the extremely creative moniker of “Gear”.

Metal Gear!?

Best Use of a Foreign Language in an English Pokemon Name

The Dark/Dragon line of pseudo-legendaries… Deino, Zweilous, and Hydreigon. Each new evolution adds an additional head, you see.

“How the Hell Do I Pronounce That?” Award

Cofagrigus. I guess “Deathkhan” was too badass for them.

Just call me "Tut".

“They’re Just Trolling Us At This Point” Award

What’s the name they decided to give a Dragon-type with a ludicrous 147 base Attack, 97 Speed, and the Mold Breaker ability, a Pokemon destined to be popular among the persnicketty online tournament community?

Haxorus.

Best Pop Culture Reference

Foongus and its evolution Amoonguss, the mushroom Pokemon.

I kind of like Incubus’s later work more, though… I can’t wait for Acrow and its evolution Leftofthemurder.

Most Likely To Be Coopted Into Being a Boston Red Sox Mascot

Sawk. Seriously, I need to see this guy on a sign at Fenway Park this season, or I’ll lose all faith in humanity.

Most Delicious-Sounding Name

Vanilluxe. Yum.

"We took on the appearance of a delicious treat as a survival mechanism, master!"

And finally

Top Ten Generation V Pokemon Names, In No Particular Order

  1. Galvantula
  2. Braviary
  3. Purrloin
  4. Serperior
  5. Reuniclus
  6. Tynamo
  7. Fraxure
  8. Pawniard
  9. Lilligant
  10. Blitzle
Advertisements

1 Response to “The Gen V Pokemon Awards Show”


  1. 1 JavaBee May 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Really… I thought the went even more lazy with Lillipup and its design… It’s one of those pokemons you could find in our world


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




Archive

Categories